Should a Chance be Taken?
by Random1377
Summary: Book 1 completed.  Look for book 2 under the heading Chances missed.
1. A chance encounter

Disclaimer: Studio Gainax animation is the sole own of the rights to Evangelion. I own no rights to anything currently, and will happily remove all traces of this story should they ask, rather than being sued by them for copyright infringement (hopefully, it won't come to that... after all, I'm not making any money off of this.)  
  
A Chance encounter  
By Random1377  
  
"Miss Ibuki?" Maya's attention was drawn from the theatre marquee by the sound of someone calling her name. A young man with brown hair stepped out of the short line and approached her hesitantly.   
  
"Shinji?" she said, recognizing the EVA pilot as he drew near.   
  
He smiled, "Hi, I almost didn't recognize you without your uniform..." looking around he asked, "are you here with someone? What are you guys going to see?"  
  
Maya blinked, then looked away, "No... I'm here alone," -again...- she added mentally, "and I was just trying to decide what to see..." she looked at the list and pointed, "but I think I'll watch that one. Aoba said it was pretty good."  
  
He brightened, "That's what I'm seeing, want to join me?" He blushed, realizing that he had just invited a pretty, older woman to watch a movie with him. He backpedaled, "Umm... I mean... that is, if you want too. I... umm..." he trailed off nervously.  
  
Maya blushed also, but smiled reassuringly, "T-Thank you... I think I will." They stood in line silently, each too wrapped in their own thoughts to make small talk.  
  
As they got to the ticket window, Shinji said, "Two please." And paid for both before Maya could say a word.  
  
She was not normally the teasing kind, but it had been a long day - and she WAS actually supposed to meet someone at the theatre... two hours prior. "Why, Pilot Ikari," she said, fixing a frown on her face as they walked in, "do you believe this to be a date? How... forward of you. I didn't know you were interested in me that way."  
  
Shinji came to a dead stop, his face draining of all color, "I... I apologize, Miss Ibuki," he said, formally, bowing low, "I... I meant no disrespect."  
  
She stared at him incredulously, -I didn't mean for him to BOW!- "It's... it's ok," she said, blushing brightly as people stopped to stare at them, "I was just kidding..."  
  
Looking up, he said, "You... you were?" he waited uncertainly, then stood and let out a sigh of relief as she nodded.  
  
She looked around at the people still staring, "C-come on..." she grabbed his arm, ignoring his sudden gasp, "we'll miss the previews." She dragged him into the theatre.  
  
**  
  
As the movie let out, they made their way to the exit, each smiling softly as they remembered the other's laughter. The movie had been good.  
  
"Well..." Shinji said as the warm night air hit them, "thank you for joining me... I... I had fun..." he turned away from her, blushing furiously.  
  
She smiled, -He's more shy than I am!- "I had a lot of fun too, Shinji." She looked at her watch, seeing that it was still early. She was bringing her wrist down when she frowned sharply and looked at it again, noting the date. "Shinji?"  
  
He turned back to her, his blush only slightly diminished, "Yes, Miss Ibuki?"  
  
She studied him carefully, "Is... is today your birthday?"  
  
He looked surprised, then nodded slowly, "Yes... it is... my fifteenth..." his voice was filled with sadness.  
  
She stepped a little closer to him, "Shinji, why are you here all alone on your birthday?"  
  
He looked at the ground, his voice quiet, "Well... Misato had to work and Asuka went to Hikari's house for the weekend... Kensuke is out of town... and Touji's..." he broke off.   
  
She nodded, knowing full well where Touji Suzuhara was. It was going to be a long road to recovery for the Fourth Child. She also knew that Shinji carried a lot of guilt, blaming himself for the boy's injuries. "I see..." she said softly, "well... what are you going to do now?"  
  
He stuffed his hands in his pockets, "I... I don't know... probably go home."  
  
-This isn't right...- she thought, -no one should have to be alone on their birthday...- "Shinji?" he looked up at her, "Would you like to... to do something with me?"  
  
Shinji turned a brilliant shade of red as he misunderstood her, "Umm... you really don't have to... umm... I mean..."  
  
Maya flushed a brighter shade of red than him, "Not like THAT! I mean do you want to go get something to eat or something." Her mind raced as involuntary images of his body flashed through her mind. She had seen him naked on several occasions for certain tests, and the memories now assailed her unmercifully. She suddenly felt warm, -Stop that!- she scolded herself, -he's too young... even if he IS really cute...-  
  
He dropped his eyes, "I... I'm sorry..." he laughed suddenly, slapping his forehead. "Oh... I'm such an idiot... I'm so sorry..."  
  
Still blushing slightly, she said, "That's ok, but you better get your mind out of the gutter or I won't spend the night with you." She blinked as the words left her mouth, realizing just how bad they sounded.  
  
He laughed even harder, "Ok... Ok... but... but if we're going to spend the night together, shouldn't my mind be IN the gutter?"  
  
She rolled her eyes, but could not help smiling too, -His laugh is so innocent... I... I don't think I've ever heard him so uninhibited before.- She waited for him to calm down, trying to make her face stern, "Is that any way to speak to a superior?" she found that she was having trouble keeping a straight face.  
  
Smiling he shook his head, then tilted it to the side, honestly curious, "ARE you my superior, Miss Ibuki?"  
  
Maya frowned, "Yes. I am..." -I think...- honestly, she was not sure. In title and seniority she was sure she outranked him, but she knew that as a pilot he could not be replaced, so that made him more valuable to NERV. Suddenly she realized that she was spending too much time thinking about it. She shook her head, "It doesn't really matter tonight, I guess... neither of us is on duty... and stop calling me Miss Ibuki, it makes me feel old. Call me Maya."  
  
"Ok... Maya." He smiled, liking the feel of her name, "Now what should we do?"  
  
"Well," she said, looking thoughtful, "I'm hungry. Let's get dinner, ok?"  
  
He nodded, then offered her his arm, again blushing deeply. She looked surprised for a minute, then took it and smiled. They went in search of food.  
  
**  
  
They walked slowly up the path towards Maya's humble apartment (Shinji had flatly refused to let her walk home alone). Dinner (Maya's treat, after much arguing) had been... amazing - for both of them. Maya had spent the entire time caught up in Shinji's enthusiastic description of his cello lessons (normally a topic she would have found dull, but he obviously love it... and she loved hearing him talk). Shinji had spent the entire time sneaking looks at his pretty companion and wishing that there could ever be more than just this night.  
  
"Thank you for spending the night with me," Shinji said as they reached the door, smiling mischievously, "did I keep my mind out of the gutter well enough?"  
  
She returned the smile, "Admirably." She paused with her hand on the doorknob, "Thank you for a lovely evening, Shinji... I enjoyed myself... a lot."  
  
"Really?" he beamed, "I'm glad. Well..." he looked unhappy that it was finally ending, "goodnight."  
  
She smiled, then snapped her fingers, "Oh, I almost forgot, I have a present for you."  
  
He looked stunned - happy, but stunned, "You... you do?? When did you get it?"  
  
She smiled, looking in her purse, "About halfway through dinner I decided to give you something I already had with me... close your eyes, I want it to be a surprise."  
  
Shinji closed his eyes, a slight smile on his face. He opened in them in surprise a minute later as he felt her lips press gently against his and her arms carefully encircle him. He let her kiss him, truly not knowing what to do.  
  
After a moment she pulled away, suddenly realizing what she was doing, "I... I'm sorry..." she stepped back, putting her hand to her lips, -Oh my god... that was... incredible... but what am I DOING?- Her face twisted into a frown as conflicting emotions rushed through her, "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to... to... you're fifteen... I..." she turned to flee, but he caught her hand gently.  
  
She turned to face him, scared that he might be mad at her for her indecent advance, -Oh... why did I do that... he's so much younger... so innocent...- he held her hand in his, looking at her intently.  
  
After a moment, he said, "Maya... I..." he took a deep breath and smiled at her, "that was the nicest birthday present I've ever gotten." He looked into her eyes, whispering, "I... I wish every day was my birthday..." he raised her hand to his lips and kissed it delicately.  
  
She watched in silence as he turned and walked away, every fiber of her being crying out to chase him. An overpowering voice in her mind said, -Let him go, Maya... don't let this get any worse... just let him go...-   
  
After a pained moment, she opened her door and walked in, shutting it quietly and leaning against it...the feel of his lips echoing on hers.  
  
The beginning.  
  
Author's notes: Ok, I looked around and I could not find any Maya/Shinji fictions... so I thought, "Why not me?" :) If this chapter is well received I will write at least one more chapter, or possibly more depending on how easy the writing goes.  
  
Feedback is always welcome at Random1377@yahoo.com.  



	2. Uncertainty

Disclaimer: See chapter 1  
Part 2  
Uncertainty  
By Random1377  
  
"Are you feeling ok, Maya?" Ritsuko Akagi looked at her subordinate curiously, "You've been acting strange for three days... is there something you want to talk about?"  
  
Maya Ibuki looked up from her computer (on which she had typed nothing for the past five minutes) and looked at her superior with wide eyes. It was one thing for the blonde woman to inquire after her at all, but the fact that she was asking because Maya had been noticeably down in performance worried her... she did not want her mentor's opinion of her to lower.  
  
The older woman went on, smiling, "Is it a man, Maya? Did your date go.... VERY well?"  
  
Maya blushed, "Sempai! We didn't... you know I don't... don't do that..." her blush intensified as the thought occurred to her that she normally didn't even kiss on the first date. This was... special. -Can... can you fall in love that fast?- she thought with some wonder.  
  
Ritsuko's smiled broadened, "So I was right, you WERE thinking about that." She leaned forward, her eyes glinting, "Did you at least let him kiss you?"  
  
"Yes, after he walked me home..." Maya admitted reluctantly, -she doesn't have to know WHO it was...- she thought, trying to figure out a way to have the senior computer tech drop the discussion.  
  
"Then what's the problem? Are you going to see him again?" Ritsuko had set aside her keyboard, focussing her attention entirely on the brown-haired girl.  
  
Seeing that she was not going to get out of talking about it, Maya said softly, "I don't know... he's younger than I am by a... few years..." she frowned, again thinking of how improper it was... and how she was spending more and more time thinking of his tranquil blue eyes.  
  
"So?" Ritsuko was not one to let things like tact or propriety stand in her way, "What's the big deal? What's a year here or there?" She winked, "He's not in junior-high, is he?"  
  
-Not since last year,- she thought miserably, "No... he's... he's older than that. Can we... talk about something else?"  
  
Ritsuko shook her head, "No." she said flatly, "So what IS the problem Maya? Did you have fun?" The younger woman nodded, "Did HE have fun?" she nodded again, "do you want to see him again?" a hesitation, then a nod, "Then who cares about a little difference in age?"  
  
"But..." the younger woman was flustered, "it's not proper to... to..." she didn't know how to say it without revealing any more than she already had... and her sense of decency was already screaming at her to shut up.  
  
Ritsuko shook her head sadly, "Maya... you have GOT to let go of your old-fashioned values system, it's killing your love-life... I say go for it, age be damned."  
  
Maya looked at her, -You probably wouldn't say that if you knew who it was...- she thought ruefully, but the doctor's words had made her feel more comfortable... even if only a bit. "I'll... I'll think about it..." she said, turning back to her console.  
  
"Maya." Ritsuko said quietly, making her turn back, "Don't let yourself stay lonely because you are afraid to take a chance... ok?" The younger woman met her eyes, seemingly on the verge of saying something, then nodded. "Good," the older woman clapped her hands, "now I need you to concentrate because we have an unscheduled sync test for Shinji this afternoon." -Is it my imagination?- the blonde thought a minute later, -or did she just shiver when I told her that?- after a moment, she shrugged and went back to typing.  
  
**  
  
"Shinji..." Misato Katsuragi's voice had a vague echoing quality in the LCL, "you're starting to slip again... please focus."  
  
Shinji nodded, "Yes, Misato... sorry..." he had thought that this would be a routine sync test, but he had forgotten that Maya would be sitting in full view of his monitor.   
  
He sighed, making bubbles in the thick liquid, -Her lips were so soft... and she kissed me... SHE kissed ME...- the thought still boggled his mind, -She's so pretty...- he sighed again, -I really DO wish every day could be my birthday... it would be worth all of the lonelness at the beginning, just to get that kiss at the end...- he shook his head and tried to focus.  
  
**  
  
"Shinji's been acting strange since his birthday," Misato said quietly to Ritsuko, entirely missing the fact that Maya nearly fell out of her chair.  
  
"Strange because you forgot it and he's depressed?" Ritsuko offered.  
  
Misato glared at her, "I apologized... and I took him out to dinner the next night." She shook her head, "No... he's been... happy."  
  
"And that's a bad thing?" She held up a hand, "I'll clear this up now right now," she leaned forward and keyed the mic, "Shinji?"  
  
"Yes, doctor Akagi?" he replied, grateful that he didn't have to concentrate for a moment.  
  
"What happened on your birthday?" she said coolly.  
  
Shinji panicked, looking from Maya to Ritsuko on the monitor, "Umm... I... not... umm... much?" he smiled, "it was nice, though..."  
  
Maya was blushing, -it was nice for me, too...-  
  
Ritsuko was not to be sidetracked, "WHAT happened, Shinji? You'll stay in that plug until I find out." She warned.  
  
Misato looked at her, "You're not serious?"  
  
She held a hand over the mic, "Of course not, but he doesn't know that." To Shinji she said, "I'm waiting."  
  
He began to sweat, "I... I saw a movie, then I had dinner... that's it..."  
  
Ritsuko was not buying it for a moment, "Shinji... were you alone, or were you... with a girl?" -That's the only reason he could be so hesitant,- she thought, pleased at her deduction.  
  
His voice was a whisper, "A... a girl..."  
  
Ritsuko delivered the final stroke, "Shinji? Did you... sleep with her?" with a smile she leaned back, knowing that he would confess one way or the other. His sense of decency would not let him do otherwise, -He's kind of like Maya that way...- Ritsuko thought idly.  
  
His face was comically outraged, "NO! I just walked her home and kissed h-" he slapped his hand over his mouth, changing to a shade of red reminiscent of Unit 02.  
  
Instead of a triumphant smile, Ritsuko was frowning, 'I walked her home... he walked me home...' the two statements overlapped in her mind. She looked at Maya, who was blushing as she monitored the boy's vital signed, -It can't be...- Ritsuko thought, shaking her head, -it MUST be a coincidence.- She addressed Shinji again, "Shinji... who did you kiss? Was it Asuka? Rei? Who?"  
  
Misato whispered in her ear, "It couldn't have been Asuka, she was with her friend Hikari all night."  
  
"It couldn't have been Rei, either," Ritsuko whispered back, her eyes intent on Shinji, "she was... here all night."  
  
Shinji folded his arms, "A true gentleman doesn't tell," before Ritsuko could say anything he hurried on, "and you can keep me in this plug until Third Impact, and I will NOT tell you." He saw Maya smiling slightly at him.  
  
-Thank you...- she mouthed when she was sure the others weren't looking. She couldn't be sure he saw her, but she thought he smiled. She was unaware that her superior had already put the pieces of the puzzle together.  
  
Ritsuko's eyes narrowed, "Ok, one last question... will you be seeing her again?"  
  
His reply made Maya want to simultaneously dance and weep, "I... I don't know... but I don't think so, Doctor Akagi..." he said with a sad sigh and his eyes cast downward, "as much as I would like to... I... I think she only did it because I was lonely... I don't think she would want to be with me."  
  
Ritsuko shot Maya a glance, catching the look of naked sorrow on the younger technician's face before she could hide it. "Thank you, Shinji. You may dismount now and go home." She deactivated the test system and waited as the room cleared. "Maya," she said, as the brown-haired woman stood, "I need to speak with you."  
  
**  
  
As he rode home, Shinji thought of Maya's face. -I... I wish I could see her again...-  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by Misato, "So... who is it?" she asked, taking a corner at a higher speed than many formula one drivers would have felt comfortable with.  
  
"I... I told you, I won't say." He said, looking out the window.  
  
His head bumped into that window on the next turn, "No... you told RITSUKO that you wouldn't tell HER." She smiled, "as your guardian I need the information."  
  
He frowned at her, rubbing his head, "No, Misato... I meant that I wouldn't tell ANYONE..."  
  
Her smile only widened, "Oh, you'll tell me someday... maybe not today, but I'll find out." She braked hard as they arrived home, taking a year or two's worth of tread off of the tires. She leaned over to him, "At least tell me this, Shinji... was she pretty?"  
  
He looked out the window with a far away look in his eyes, "She was beautiful..."  
  
**  
  
Ritsuko met Maya's eyes for a moment, uncertain how to proceed. Finally she spoke softly, "I understand why you were so hesitant now..."  
  
Maya's eyes searched the floor, "I... it was just a kiss... just one..."  
  
"So you've both said..." the older woman leaned against on of the desks, "but you saw the test results... he's down ten points -TEN! That doesn't happen from 'just' a kiss Maya."  
  
Maya bowed her head, -What if it WAS more than that...?- she thought, -I've... I've never felt that with a kiss before.-  
  
"Maya, look at me." The older woman commanded. When the younger woman met her eyes she continued, "Maya... I absolutely must know. DID you sleep with him? I need to know if he's feeling aftereffects from losing his virginity."  
  
Maya shook her head, "No, Sempai, I... I've never slept with anyone, I-"  
  
Ritsuko cut her off, "Listen, Maya..." she sighed deeply and walked over to the door, "as your superior officer I need to tell you where things stand. Right now, Shinji is confused. He doesn't know what his feelings are for you, or your feelings are for you... and I can see you are the same way."  
  
Maya thought suddenly, -No... no I think that I know... I think that I... that I...-  
  
Ritsuko continued, interrupting her thoughts, "You MUST tell him something, good or bad. If you tell him it was a one-time thing NOW, he will understand and move on... it may hurt, but it will cause him no lasting damage." She eyed the other woman, making sure she had her complete attention, "However, a happy pilot is an effective pilot... so if you DO pursue a relationship with him I don't think it will hurt. In fact, it may improve his sync rate to have the confidence that a stable relationship brings."  
  
Maya looked confused, "Then... then what should I do?"  
  
Ritsuko shook her head, "I can't tell you that. My recommendation as a NERV official would be to tell him that it will not work out. You are nearly nine years his elder and you work with him - a bad combination." Her face softened, "But as a woman, I know that you are alone... and that he is alone... and that he is absolutely smitten with you. Ultimately, the choice must be yours."  
  
As Ritsuko opened the door, Maya asked quietly, "Sempai? What would you do?"  
  
The blonde woman stepped out the door, holding it open for a moment as she spoke, "Speaking strictly as a woman? If I found someone I could love, and who loved me... I would never let them go." She let the door close, leaving Maya to her thoughts.  
  
Continued...  
  
Author's notes: Ok... Ok... I admit it, I don't KNOW that Maya is a virgin. She DOES strike me as a very proper girl, though, and based on her reaction to Kaji's advances in episode 14 (or was it 15?) when he hits on her, she does not have a LOT of experience. I do plan to have a minimum of one more chapter... or possibly more, depending on how the next part spins out. The threat of having hamsters sent to my house by one reviewer is remarkable incentive to keep going... ;)  
  
In answer to another reviewer's question on time-frame: I let it deliberately vague because I was unsure myself... but now that you've pressed me ( :P ) I'll commit that the starting point is somewhere between ep 16 and 17.  
  
Feedback is always welcome at Random1377@yahoo.com.  
  



	3. Getting to know you

Disclaimer: see chapter 1  
Part 3  
Getting to know you  
By Random1377  
  
"Souryu, Ikari, Katsuragi residence." Asuka answered the phone, deliberately putting her guardian's name last. -That woman is so annoying!- she thought, -if I trip over just ONE MORE beer can... OOO!!!!-  
  
Her eyes widened slightly as a diffident female voice said, "Is... is Shinji there?"  
  
Still trying to get her mind around the notion that it was, in fact, another woman on the other end of the line, Asuka said, "Umm... lemme check..." She set the phone down, curiosity temporarily overriding her urge to taunt Shinji, "Hey idiot," (well, not entirely), "you have a phone call."   
  
Shinji (knowing exactly who 'idiot' was) came out of his room, "Is it Kensuke or Touji?" he asked, reaching for the phone.  
  
She pulled it back as he reached out, smiling viciously, "It's a... girrrrrrl..." she said, keeping the phone away from him as long as possible.  
  
On the other end of the line, Maya put her head in her free hand. -I can't believe I'm doing this...- she thought. She briefly considered just hanging up... then Shinji came on.  
  
"Hello?" he said, unable to hide his curiosity.  
  
After a moment of silence a quiet voice said, "Hello, Shinji... how are you?"  
  
His face lit up like a thousand-watt bulb, "Is this M-" he began happily.  
  
"SHHHH!!!!" she whispered quickly, "Don't say it! Yes it is."  
  
Shinji looked at Asuka, still hovering nearby, understanding instantly. "I'm... I'm fine..." he paused for a moment, "I'm glad you called me..."  
  
Maya felt her cheeks redden, "I..." -How can I do this... he's so young...- she remembered Ritsuko's words, '...I would never let them go.' She took a deep breath, "Shinji... I... can you come into headquarters?"  
  
Shinji's tone became less enthusiastic, "Umm... yeah... yeah I can come in. Should I go to doctor Akagi's office, or the sync chamber?"  
  
-He... he thinks I'm calling him about work...- she blushed deeper, "Shinji?"  
  
"Yes?" he said, his voice sad.  
  
Her voice was barely above a whisper, "Umm... come to my office... and, umm... can you... can you come alone?" she touched her cheek, wondering of it was possible for a person to burst into flames from embarrassment.  
  
He paused for a moment. When he answered, his voice was unsure, "Umm... ok... but that means I'll have to walk... do you need me there by a specific time?"  
  
"Whenever you can get here will be fine, but..." she hesitated, -hurry...- "it is kind of important, ok?"   
  
After he said ok, and they had said goodbye, she leaned forward, putting her head in her hands. -What am I going to say? 'Hey Shinji, I know I don't know much about you, and I know that we only had dinner, but I think I'm falling for you. Oh, and by the way, our excessive age difference is not a problem is it?'- She leaned back pressing the heels of her hands against her eyelids. A moment later, she opened her eyes.  
  
Staring at the ceiling, she brought her hand slowly up to her lips... tracing them gently with her fingertips as she recalled that night.  
  
**  
  
Shinji entered the woman's office hesitantly. He had experienced a lot of difficulty in getting Asuka to let him leave without telling her who was on the phone - as it was, he wasn't entirely certain she hadn't followed him.  
  
"Miss Ibuki? You wanted to see me?" he asked tentatively, -I hope it's not another sync test,- he thought dismally, entirely giving up any hope that their kiss was more than a singular event. He looked at her desk, frowning. -Is she... is she asleep?- he thought, confused.  
  
Maya was indeed unconscious. She had lost a lot of sleep the night before, worrying over what she should do, and Shinji had taken more than an hour to get there. Her exhaustion had overcome her.  
  
Shinji smiled at her, -I guess it wouldn't hurt to wait a while...- he thought. He pulled up a spare seat and sat down. After a few moments Maya stirred and mumbled in her sleep. Shinji's smile widened a little, -She's so pretty...- he thought for possibly the hundredth time that day. He sighed, wishing that circumstances were different.  
  
At his sigh, she woke with a start, looking around with bleary eyes. "S-sorry..." he said, speaking quietly, "I... I didn't mean to wake you."  
  
"Shinji?" she said stretching languidly, "How long have you been here... I hope not long..." she suddenly looked embarrassed that he had found her this way, and straightened her uniform.  
  
Shinji looked at his watch, his eyes going wide as her realized he had been watching her sleep for almost ten minutes. "Not... not too long... what did you need to see me about, Miss Ibuki?"  
  
She smiled slightly, "I thought I asked you to call me Maya?"  
  
He blushed, "I... I thought that was just... just for that night..." he looked at the floor.  
  
Her resolve wavered, -He IS young...- she thought, -and... and what if he says no?- She shook her head, trying to banish those thoughts. "Shinji..." she said slowly, "when I... when I kissed you on your birthday... that was... I..." she broke off, struggling to find the right words.  
  
Shinji frowned and stood up, "You... you don't have to explain to me... Maya..." he smiled as he used her name. He went on, his voice low, "I... I understand that you were just trying to cheer me up. Don't worry... I... I know it wasn't more than that..." he put his hands in his pockets and started walking towards the door.  
  
-Stop him... STOP HIM!!!- her mind whispered urgently as he reached for the door, "Shinji!" she said as he pulled the door open. He stopped and looked at her curiously.   
  
She rose to her feet and crossed the room, her mind raging, -Stop this...- half of her mind cried, -let him leave so this can all go away!!- The other half whispered, -Don't let him go... don't EVER let him go...- The quiet half won.  
  
"Shinji... don't go." She said quietly. "What I wanted to know... the... the reason I asked you to come..." she took a deep breath and looked into his eyes, feeling calmer just from his gaze, "I... I want to get to know you better... will you... will you go out with me tonight?" Shinji just stared, dumbfounded. Her color started to rise, and she stammered, "If... if you don't want to... I-"  
  
"YES!" he cut her off, then blushed and went on in a quieter voice, "I would... I would love to go out with you, Maya..." he frowned, "but are you... are you sure that you want to go out with ME?"  
  
That loud part of her mind screamed, -NO!!!- but she ignored it and nodded her head shyly, "Yes... I would... I would like it very much..."  
  
A moment of awkward silence followed, broken finally when Shinji said, "Maya... why... why are you being nice to me?"  
  
She blinked at the genuine confusion in his voice, -Is it THAT hard to believe?- she smiled at him, "Because I... I like you... Shinji..." she looked at the floor, -When did I become so bold?- she wondered, half of her still shocked by the impropriety of her statement.  
  
Shinji looked downright stunned, "You... you do?" he said in a quiet voice. He turned away before she could see the tears sparkling in his eyes, "No one... no one has ever told me that before... Maya..."  
  
She was horrified, "No one?" she echoed, scarcely believing it.  
  
He shook his head slowly, still averting his gaze, -She... she doesn't... not really... she just feels sorry for me...- the thought made his eyes burn, "I... I should go... you... you don't have to go out with-"  
  
She reached out and took his hand. "Shinji? Shinji, look at me..." reluctantly he turned to face her, blinking rapidly and swallowing to avoid breaking down entirely. She held his hand, unsure. -This is right,- she thought, squelching that loud voice in her mind,-it is...- she brought his hand to her lips, kissing it softly. "I like you, Shinji... I really do... and I would truly love it if you would go out with me tonight... will you?"  
  
Shinji's mind exploded at the touch of her lips, and he found that words escaped him. He nodded dumbly, a single tear falling from his eye. She smiled at him, still holding his hand. Trembling, he raised her hand and kissed it, reeling from the emotions coursing through him.  
  
When he was able to speak again, he whispered, "Thank you, Maya..."  
  
She tilted her head to the side, "For what, Shinji?"  
  
He smiled radiantly, causing her heart to skip a beat, "For not slapping me... Asuka would have beaten me up just for touching her hand, let alone kissing it..."  
  
Suddenly the tension was gone, and Maya laughed, "Well... I'm not Asuka..."  
  
Shinji's smile fell away as suddenly as it had come, "No..." he whispered, "you're not..." he leaned forward.  
  
Her heartbeat tripled its pace and she waited breathlessly for him to kiss her.  
  
He flushed bright red and halted his advance, suddenly unsure again, "Umm... so... should I meet you somewhere tonight...?"  
  
She let out a breath, unaware that she had been holding it, and said, "Yes... umm... it can't be... anywhere we both normally go..." she looked at the floor, "I'm sorry..."  
  
"That's ok," he said, "I understand..." he smiled, "Why don't we just meet at the lookout, and decide there?"  
  
She nodded, "That sounds good... I'll be there around six, ok?"  
  
He smiled, and then blushed as he realized they were still holding hands. Gently retrieving his, he stepped out the door with a final wave.  
  
Maya turned back to her desk, her thoughts already turning to what the evening might hold. She stopped as she heard the door open behind her.  
  
She turned to find Shinji staring at her, his eyes intense, "Maya?" he said shyly, "I... I like you too..." he smiled once more... and then he was gone.  
  
Maya sat down on the floor, his words ringing in her mind. How long had it been since someone had told HER that? She knew that she had heard those words before (she had been shocked to hear he hadn't) but for the life of her she could not remember the last time someone had spoken them to her.  
  
A single tear ran down her cheek, soon followed by a torrent of others as she thought of his sincere smile... and the three words he had spoken with such care...  
  
Continued...  
  
Omake  
  
His room was dark as Shinji walked into it. He sighed as he stripped off his clothes, still remembering the wonderful evening. He stopped suddenly as he realized he was not alone.  
  
"Shiiiiiiiiiinjiiiiiiii..." a low voice whispered.  
  
"M-Maya?" he stammered as small, soft hands wrapped around his chest from the back.  
  
"Shinji..." she pouted, "I couldn't stop thinking about you... why did you leave?" She spun him around and pressed up against him.  
  
"Be-because you said goodnight?" he asked.  
  
"Shinji," she said, her mouth curving into a small frown, "don't you know that when a girl says goodnight in that tone of voice it means that she wants to wake up beside you?"  
  
She reached up and held his head in her hands, smiling at how wide his eyes became. "Sempai was right," she said, "age be damned!" she leaned forward, pressing her lips against his firmly. After a moment, his paralysis broke and he kissed her back, his arms coming up to gently touch her face. Her body felt like it was on fire. She opened her mouth, running her tongue over his lips, wanting to get inside....  
  
In the room marked 'Shinji's lovely suite' a tremendous crash emanated, waking the other two occupants of the small apartment. Misato threw open the door, "Shinji, are you ok?" she said, concern evident in her voice.  
  
Shinji lay in a tangled mass of bed-sheets and blankets, groaning softly, "Fine Misato... just... just fell out of bed." -Why? Why couldn't I at least get to second base!!- he thought as he climbed back onto his futon.  
  
"Idiot..." Asuka whispered tiredly before going back to her room.  
  
**  
  
At that same moment, halfway across town, Maya awoke and stared at her ceiling. She smiled languidly and rolled over, "Mmmm... maybe he'll get to second base this time..." she whispered as she drifted back to sleep, hoping to recapture the dream...  
  
Author's notes: Sweet dreams... :)  



	4. Stepping out

Disclaimer: See part 1  
Part 4  
Stepping out  
By Random1377  
  
"Shinji? Why are you... humming?" Misato looked at her young charge curiously, not exactly believing her ears. -I... I don't think he's EVER done that before...- she thought with some wonder.  
  
Sitting at the table, Shinji blushed as he became aware of what he was doing. He opened his mouth to speak, but Asuka answered for him from the doorway, "Shinji's going on a date." She smiled at his discomfort, sticking out her tongue.  
  
Misato's eyes widened, then she smiled broadly, "Is it that girl you kissed, Shinji?"  
  
Asuka reddened, "You TOLD her about tha-" she cut herself off, realizing that: A. Misato would not ask if she was standing there, and B. She was the first one to break their unspoken agreement on silence.   
  
A moment later she came to conclusion C. Shinji had kissed someone else. She tried to decide how she felt about fact C, and came to the conclusion that it was best... after all, that boy really needed to get out more... and he REALLY wasn't her type (well... maybe a little...).  
  
Misato's jaw dropped open as Asuka left the room, mumbling something about homework. She shook her head and looked at Shinji again, "So... is it? Do you need a ride?"  
  
Shinji looked at her dubiously, knowing full well why she would offer a ride, -You just want to see who it is...- "No thank you, I'll just walk." He stood up, looking at the clock, "I have to go."   
  
Misato pouted, "Oh come on, Shinji... at least give me a hint..." she gave him her patented Misato Man-Melter smile.  
  
Shinji frowned at her, months of living with her having rendered him immune, "No, Misato. I'll be home by midnight."  
  
"You'll be home by eleven," she said, switching to guardian mode faster than a veritech ever could, "or you won't be going." She folded her arms and frowned, showing that she was serious.  
  
Shinji stared at her stonily for a moment, and then smiled slowly, "Eleven-thirty?"  
  
Misato's frown broke as she laughed, "Alright, you win... eleven-thirty." She appraised the boy for a moment, "You know, Shinji... I think you should see more of this girl... I don't think I've seen you this happy for weeks."  
  
He blushed, "Well... I... I hope I can." He walked out the door, waiting on the other side. After a minute he slid the door open quickly, startling Misato into dropping her car keys as his face appeared inches from hers, "And don't follow me!" he said, closing the door again.  
  
In the apartment, a stunned Misato said, "Ok..." quietly. She grinned as she picked up her keys, "Oh yeah," she said, returning to the kitchen, "he DEFINITELY needs to see more of her..."  
  
**  
  
Shinji walked swiftly, his thoughts turning over what he felt for the pretty technician. Did he like her? Oh yes... yes, very much. Was it more? That he didn't know... he felt like there COULD be more, but honestly it was too early to say. -I hope...- he thought suddenly, -I hope there's more...- he blushed fiercely, thinking of her pretty, sleeping face.  
  
As he increased his nervous pace off into the evening, a small figure stepped out of the shadows and watched hawkishly as his figure receded into the gloom. Then, as if reaching a conclusion, started off after him. Asuka smiled mischievously to herself and pulled her jacket tighter around her shoulders.  
  
**  
  
Maya stood with her arms resting on the railing, looking out over Tokyo-3 with a small smile. The wind blew her short brown hair back from her face and made her close her eyes. -He'll be here soon...- she thought, visualizing him behind her eyelids, -maybe we'll go see another movie... maybe... maybe I'll kiss him again...- she blushed at the thought, or rather, at the emotion the thought evoked.  
  
"Maya?" she opened her eyes, hoping it was not her imagination. She looked to her right and found Shinji standing uncertainly with his hands in his pockets, "I... I'm here..."  
  
She smiled at him, "I... I'm glad you decided to come..." she looked at the ground, "I was afraid you might not."  
  
"I... I almost didn't..." he admitted awkwardly, "then I realized I would have to be a fool not too."  
  
She looked up, astonished at his frankness. He looked nervous and pushed his hands deeper into his pockets. She stepped closer to him, reaching out hesitantly and touching his arm. He shivered slightly at the touch, bringing his hand out of his pocket so she could hold it.  
  
"Do you... do you want to go for a drive? My car is right there." She pointed to a small, white economy car, "or do you want to do something else? We could see a movie, or go to dinner, or-"  
  
"No," he said, his attention fixed on their linked hands, "a ride would be... nice..."  
  
She led him to her car, opening the door for him with a slight blush. As they pulled away from the curb, a set of sapphire blue eyes watched their departure from the safety of a nearby bush.   
  
**  
  
They drove in silence for a while, aimlessly roaming the hills surrounding Tokyo-3.   
  
"So..." Shinji ventured, "what do you want to know about me?"  
  
Maya looked at him, then back to the road, shrugging. "I don't know... I know almost nothing about you. What did you do before you came to NERV?"  
  
Shinji looked out the window, "Nothing. Honestly. I lived with my teacher and we did... nothing..." It was his turn to shrug, "All in all, it wasn't that bad. No one needed me for anything, no one relied on me for anything... I just... WAS."  
  
"Sounds pretty empty to me," she said quietly.  
  
He grinned, "It's really not so bad... you should try it sometime..." he looked sideways at her, "Maybe... maybe we can do nothing together... sometime..."  
  
She smiled and reached across the seat, taking his hand, "I... I would like that..."  
  
He looked at her hand, still marveling at the soft, warm feel, "S-So... when is your birthday?"  
  
She felt herself getting warm, -Get a hold of yourself, woman!- she thought, -you can't get this way every time he asks a question...- "It's actually in about three weeks - July twentieth."  
  
He smiled broadly, "Maybe... maybe I'll give you what you gave me..." he turned bright red, unused to being so forward.  
  
Maya felt her own temperature rising, -GET a GRIP!!-  
  
"Pull over here," Shinji said suddenly, unsmiling, "I... I want to show you something."  
  
She pulled the car off of the road and exited, surprised by his abrupt change in attitude. She followed him to the edge of a very deep looking canyon, and watched as he rested his hands on the guardrail, regarding the deep gouge in the earth for a moment. A gust of wind ruffled his hair as he spoke quietly, "I came here the first time I ran away..."  
  
She said nothing, sensing that he was not finished. She stepped closer, wanting to hear every word.  
  
He looked out into the void, "I... I almost jumped, you know..." a tear slipped down his cheek and was carried away in the stiffening breeze, "I felt like I had nothing to live for... like I was useless..."  
  
She reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. He shivered and put his hand over hers. She licked her lips, "Shinji... I... I don't think you're useless..."  
  
He turned to her, taking a deep breath, "I know... I know that this may be sudden..." he swallowed and went on, "but you said you wanted to know more about me..." he looked at the drop-off, his eyes distant, "well, this IS me... all that I am, right here. I've... I've never known anything besides emptiness and loss..."   
  
He met her eyes once more, "Is that... is that too much?" he whispered nervously, "Have I shown too much of what makes me, me?"  
  
She put her arms carefully around him, drawing him close to her, "No..." she said quietly, her heart racing as his arms came up to encircle her, "no, I want to know everything about you..." the truth of the statement rocked her.  
  
He looked at her, smiling. He then took a deep breath, continuing, "While I stood on the edge, looking down... I... I just knew I couldn't do it..." his grip tightened, as if he was afraid she might leave at any moment, "I keep thinking of all the people I would be letting down... but I kept coming back to me... I would be letting myself down if I did it..."   
  
She looked into his eyes, "I'm glad you didn't do it..." she forced some levity into her tightening voice, "If you had... who would I spend MY birthday with next month?"  
  
He smiled, then reached up and carefully stroked her cheek with the tips of his fingers, "Maya... I... I'm tired of feeling sad... do you think... do you think that we can be happy..." he blushed and dropped his eyes and his voice, "I mean... I mean together...?"  
  
She said nothing... instead she reached out and put her hands on his face, forcing his eyes to meet hers. When they had, she slowly leaned forward, pressing her lips against his once more. She walled off all of her previous concerns and worries, letting her breath slowly leave her and mix with his as they touched. Shinji went ridged, not knowing what to do, but she just held her lips to his until the tension left him and he returned the kiss.  
  
Time slowed to a standstill as they embraced. Shinji began to gently explore her face with his fingers, wanting to know every curve. She shivered at his touch, trying to press herself closer to him. -How could she have ever doubted this...- her thoughts raced deliriously, as his fingers ran across her ears and began exploring the back of her neck.  
  
They parted for a moment, both breathing hard, "I think... I think that I..." she began trying to catch her breath. "Shinji, I mmmm-" he cut her off, pulling her against him once more. He kissed her desperately, trying to touch every point on her face at the same time.  
  
Finally, he relented, "I... I'm sorry... I..."  
  
"Shhh..." she whispered, laying her head against his shoulder, "it's ok..." she became aware that he was trembling... and that she was, too.  
  
They stood silently for several minutes, clinging to each other and shaking. Finally, Shinji whispered, "Maya... I... I know this is a silly question... but would you be my girlfriend?"  
  
She nearly pulled away at that, -Still a child!- her mind called, but she knew that it would hurt him... and she knew that this was right. Instead, she nodded against his shoulder and whispered, "Only... only if you kiss me again..."  
  
The wind whipped around them as he complied with her request, any sense of impropriety or shame now gone as their lips met once more. They kissed for what might have been hours or minutes, neither cared to keep track. When they said goodnight, it was with the knowledge that this would be the first of many good nights... for both of them.  
  
Continued...  
  
  
Author's notes: All you Robotech fans catch the reference? Good! :) And thanks to JobFaust for helping my out with the overall flow of this chapter, and talking me into changing some lines so that they sounded better. I owe you one!  



	5. Closed doors

Disclaimer: see chapter 1  
Part 5  
Closed doors  
By Random1377  
  
Shinji walked home in a blissful, misty frame of mind. Replaying the evening in his mind - especially their last, slow kiss, and her final whispered statement, 'I... I want to see you again tomorrow... ok?' He had only been able to nod.  
  
Now opening the door to the apartment, he was filled with apprehension, -I'm late...- he thought, trying to be quiet, -I hope Misato isn't TOO mad...-  
  
He was creeping through the hall when a voice from the kitchen said, "Hey, idiot... kinda late, aren't you?"  
  
He put a hand over his heart, "Asuka... don't DO that!" he shot her a small glare, but he couldn't help smiling through it.  
  
"Why are you so happy? Date go well?" Shinji did not like the way she was smiling. It looked... predatory.  
  
"Umm... yeah... yeah it did." He frowned, his concern growing as her smile widened. "I'm going to go to bed... night."  
  
He started walking towards his room.  
  
"So," she said in a conversational tone, "how is Miss Ibuki?"  
  
He froze, every muscle in his body tense, "W-what?" he whispered, not daring to turn around.  
  
She rose to her feet, still smiling broadly, "You heard me, I asked how Miss Ibuki was..." she leaned close to him, "did you have a fun ride?" she said quietly, her breath tickling the back of his neck. "I'll bet Misato would just love to hear all about how you and her-"  
  
Suddenly Shinji felt anger rising in his breast, -No... NO! I won't let her ruin this.- He spun around, grabbing the startled Second Child by her upper arms and pushing her against the wall. He stared into her eyes coldly, "Don't..." his voice came out shaky and low, "don't try and take this from me, Asuka... do you hear me?"  
  
Asuka's eyes were wide, and her words came out falteringly, "Let... let me go you jerk!" she tried to sound angry, but it just came out frightened... which she was. She had never seen him so... so... -Furious! He looks like he's ready to kill me!- she briefly considered screaming, then realized it would do no good. Misato had to go in to work, and the apartment building was practically empty.  
  
Shinji's eyes widened as he saw the fear in her eyes, -Asuka... what am I DOING!?- he let her go and stepped away, looking at his hands. "I..." he didn't know what to say as she started rubbing her arms.  
  
"Why did you do that to me, Shinji? I was just teasing... I wasn't going to take anything from you..." her voice was small.  
  
Shinji realized that he had never seen Asuka scared, -Of me... she's scared of me...- "Asuka, I..." he reached out to touch her.  
  
"NO!" she yelled, pressing back against the wall, "You stay away from me!!"  
  
He fell to his knees, looking once more to his hands... as if they had the answer to his questions. "I... I'm sorry..." his voice trembled, "I... I was scared, Asuka..."  
  
She stopped moving, taken aback by his confession, "Wh-what?"  
  
He looked at her, his eyes overflowing, "I... I was happy tonight... I just... I just didn't want to lose that. I was scared that if you told Misato it might end... I didn't want that to happen..."  
  
Angrily she spat, "So you felt like slamming me up against the wall would help?" she instantly regretted the words as his face crumpled.   
  
He looked at her sorrowfully, then rose to his feet in a daze, "I... I'm sorry... Asuka..." he whispered.  
  
He started walking towards his room, his eyes on the floor. Asuka raised a hand, about to speak... but she could not make herself break the awful silence. As the door to his room slid shut, she knew that it was more than just that door closing - it was the door to any hope of friendship that may have been between them. She sat down at the table, trying to comprehend what had just happened... and why she felt that it was her fault.  
  
**  
  
The next day at work, Maya sat smiling at her terminal, busily keying in code for the next Evangelion test. -Tonight...- she thought happily, -I'll see him again tonight.- She felt very warm.  
  
Ritsuko watched the younger woman carefully, and then smiled. "Maya... you seem very pleased today." She observed.  
  
Maya turned to her, looking around to make sure no one else was around, "I... I took your advice... your advice as a woman..." she smiled brightly, "Thank you, Sempai."  
  
"Anytime. So tell me," Ritsuko said, leaning forward, "is he a good kisser?"  
  
"SEMPAI!!" the younger woman was scandalized, "I... I don't think I should talk abo-"  
  
Ritsuko grinned, "Oh come on, Maya! What will it hurt if you talk about your boyfriend a little? He IS your boyfriend, isn't he?"  
  
Her thoughts echoed back, 'Will you be my girlfriend?' -Why is it that if a man says girlfriend it sounds immature, but if a woman says boyfriend it's acceptable?- she wondered suddenly. To her superior she said, "Yes... he is..." her voice was low with embarrassment, -I almost said no to him because he spoke that way...-  
  
"So... give!" Ritsuko set aside her keyboard once more, letting Maya know that her attention was all on her, "I want to know everything."  
  
Maya turned away, "I... I don't think it would be right... for me to talk about it with you..."  
  
The blonde's eyebrows rose, "And just why not?"  
  
"Because..." she replied, looking at her screen intently so she would not have to meet the other woman's strong gaze, "it's something that's only between him and me. It's not part of work... it's not part of EVA... it's not part of school..." she blushed once more, her mind tripping back to his age, "it's something that only WE have... me and him. I..." she took a deep breath, finally looking up, "I don't want to share it yet."  
  
Ritsuko looked surprised, then nodded and smiled reassuringly, "Will you tell me about it later sometime?" she asked, "I promise I won't make fun of you, Maya, I really want to know."  
  
Maya studied her face for a moment, a bit surprised, "Yes..." she said finally, turning back to her computer, "yes, I'll tell you about it later..." -Once I know for sure what it is I feel... and what he feels.-  
  
Ritsuko nodded, satisfied for the time being. She turned back to her work. After a moment of silence, Maya's voice caught her attention, "Sempai?"  
  
She looked up, "Yes, Maya?"  
  
The younger girl didn't take her eyes off of her computer, but her cheeks were flushed with color, "Yes..." she said quietly, "he is..."  
  
Ritsuko looked puzzled for a minute, until she realized that her subordinate was answering her initial question. -Good for you Maya...- she thought with a smile, -I'm glad you've found someone you can hold... I envy you...- her face darkened as she thought of her own situation. She decided the best thing to do would be to focus on work... but she found herself softly smiling at her coworker's innocence.  
  
Had she known more about Maya's past, she may have felt other emotions for the girl...  
  
**  
  
Asuka walked to school alone. Shinji had left the house before she had ever awakened... though he left breakfast on the table for her.  
  
She rubbed her shoulders absently, -That idiot...- she thought to herself, -he needs help...- "I... I WON'T feel bad about this..." she whispered, making a fist, "HE hurt ME... I... I didn't even DO anything..."  
  
Even to her ears, it sounded hollow. She resolved to talk to him about it, "I'll... I'll make him apologize again..." the thought that maybe SHE should apologize skittered through her mind, -Well... maybe...- she thought.  
  
She would have to wait longer than she thought to speak to him, as he was not in the classroom when she arrived.  
  
**  
  
Maya found Shinji at the lookout, even though she was two hours earlier than she said she would be.  
  
"Shinji?" she said, carefully approaching him.  
  
He looked up slowly, his face haggard.  
  
"What's the matter, Shinji?" she asked, her tone worried, "I... I know that you didn't go to school today..." she blushed at the intrusion into his privacy.  
  
He didn't notice, or care if he did notice. He had a far away look in his eyes as he spoke, "I hurt Asuka yesterday... I scared her so bad she wouldn't let me anywhere near her..."  
  
Maya looked at him with shock evident on her face, "What happened?"  
  
He turned away, looking out over the city, "She... she was teasing me... she said she would tell Misato about... about us..." Maya's eyes widened. He went on slowly, "I... I lost it. I slammed her against the wall, Maya... she didn't do anything but tease, and I slammed her against a wall." He was shaking with barely contained tears.  
  
She came up behind him and put her arms around his chest, resting her head on his back, "It's ok... I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt her..." she said softly.  
  
He shuddered in her grip, placing his hands over hers and leaning back slightly, "I never knew..." he whispered, "I never knew that I could get so angry. She didn't deserve what I did to her..." he sighed deeply and turned his head to look at her, "Are you sure you want to be with me? I might..." he swallowed hard, "I might hurt you..."  
  
She turned him around to face her, "Shinji... I don't think you ever would, you're not the kind of person to hurt-"  
  
"But I DID!" he cried, rubbing his eyes with the backs of his hands, "I did hurt someone..." he looked at her, "I... I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you... I..."  
  
She pulled him to her, gently caressing the back of his neck, "Shinji... don't do this to yourself. If you're sorry about what you did, tell her your sorry."  
  
"I tried," his voice was choked with emotion, "I tried... but she... didn't even want me to come near her."  
  
She continued to touch him softly, "Shinji, of course she didn't want you to come near her right THEN... you scared her." He began to cry softly, "Shhh... don't cry..." she kissed his cheek, "She's had some time to get over her fear... tell her you're sorry the next time you see her. If she doesn't accept your apology... well... then she's stupid."  
  
His tears slowed and finally stopped as she held him, "Maya...?" he whispered, "What if... what if I hurt you...?"  
  
She turned her head and spoke into his ear, "Then I expect you to say you're sorry... then give me some time... then say you're sorry again... and then kiss me to show me that you mean it."  
  
He relaxed in her arms, holding her tightly, "But..." he whispered, a touch of mischief creeping into his voice, "but I shouldn't kiss Asuka, right?"  
  
She pulled back, pretending to frown, "You better not!" she kissed him, intending to make it a short peck... but for some reason her neck muscles would not reply to her mind's command to pull back, and she held the kiss for several moments, savoring every second.  
  
As she broke away he caught her head gently, holding her close to him, "I don't want to kiss anyone but you..." he whispered, staring into her eyes.  
  
She stared back at him, barely breathing, -Is this love...?- she thought suddenly, -Is it?- "Shinji..." she whispered, "will you... sleep with me?"  
  
His eyes widened and she realized what she'd said. Flushing, she hurried on, "No... not that way... I..." she looked at the ground, "I want to SLEEP with you... I want to wake up with you beside me..."  
  
He looked uncertain, "I... umm... that's... that's a big step, don't you think?" he asked, stammering badly.  
  
She nodded, "I know... I just... I don't know... it feels right..." she still would not meet his gaze, "I... I want to feel you holding me all night..." she finally looked up, "Is that wrong of me? To want to be with you that much after only two days? I... I don't know anymore..."  
  
"I... I don't know if it's right or wrong..." he admitted. He pulled her close against him, "But is this enough for right now? I don't... I don't think it would be a good idea tonight... how about in a few days?" he kissed her forehead, "Please don't get me wrong, Maya..." he whispered, "I really want to... but I don't want to go too fast...does that make sense? So much is messed up right now... I... I want this to be right..."  
  
She nodded, "Shinji..." she looked at him, running her fingers across his cheek, "do you... do you think that I'm... that I'm dirty for asking you that?"  
  
He looked at her, confused, "No... why would that make you dirty?"  
  
She looked at the ground, "It's so forward... it's... it's not the kind of thing a good girl does..."  
  
Since she was looking down, she missed the look of absolute bafflement that passed over his features, "Maya..." she looked up just in time to meet his lips. He kissed her gently, running his fingers through her hair and over her shoulders, finally stopping and pulling her tightly to him. After a moment he broke away and whispered, "You are the nicest, cleanest person I know, Maya... I don't think you're dirty at all..."  
  
She burst into tears, "Shinji... I..." she could barely speak through the sobs that wracked her body, "I... AM... I... I..." she could not tell him... it was too hard. "Please Shinji... please hold me..." she said desperately, "please... please tell me that I'm good... please?"  
  
Confused, he did as she requested. Stroking her hair as she wept uncontrollably, whispering that she was, in fact, a good person... one of the best that he knew. Her mind screamed that he wouldn't say that if he knew the truth... that he would abhor her, shun her, discard her... the darkest point in her life flared into brilliant, horrid detail as she clung to him.  
  
Finally she was able to close the door on that memory and hold of herself, "I'm sorry..." she whispered, still short of breath.  
  
"You don't have to apologize..." he said, still stroking her short brown hair, "can you... can you tell me why you were crying?"  
  
She cringed, "Not... not yet..." she buried her face in his shirt, "but I will... someday. I promise, ok?"  
  
He nodded, then raised her head and gently wiped away her tears. He looked at his watch, and said quietly, "I... I still have a few hours..." he kissed her once more, "do you... do you want to take a... a nap, or something... with me?"  
  
Her breath caught, "Yes... I... I would like that..."  
  
Together they climbed into the back seat of her car and closed the door, trying to find a comfortable position in the cramped space. Eventually they came to rest with Shinji on his back, his legs hanging off the seat, and Maya lying on top of him. They were both bright red, but said nothing. After a few moments, it didn't feel awkward any more, and they both began to drift... exhausted from the stress of the day. As they slept, safe in each other's arms, they dreamed of what the future would hold... sure that they would share it...  
  
  
Continued...  
  
Omake  
  
Together they climbed into the back seat of her car and closed the door. Trying to find a comfortable position in the cramped space, they readjusted Shinji's baby restraint seat. Eventually they came to rest with Shinji snuggly strapped in, his legs hanging off the seat, and Maya lying on top of him, the arms of the seat cutting roughly into her shoulder blades. They were both bright red, but said nothing. After a few moments, it didn't feel awkward any more (though they were uncomfortable), and they both began to drift... exhausted from the stress of the day and the diaper changing. As they slept, safe in each other's arms, they dreamed of what the future would hold... sure that they would share it...  
  
Shinji whispered, "Mama," quietly, and began sucking his thumb contentedly...  
  
Author's notes: What is Maya's secret? Wait and find out next chapter (chapter after next at the latest). If you've already figured it out, for the love of Pete, DON'T SAY IT!! :) Thanks to JobFaust for helping me once again with flow... and coming up with the Omake.  
  
Feedback is always welcome at Random1377@yahoo.com.  
  



	6. Broken reflection

Disclaimer: see part 1  
  
Part 6  
Broken reflection  
By Random1377  
  
Several days later, Maya asked Shinji to spend the night again. Not really seeing any reason not to, he agreed.  
  
As he gathered his things after school, he bumped into Asuka walking into the kitchen. -Great,- he thought, -the Silent Child.- He sighed internally, "Hey, Asuka... I need to tell you something."  
  
He looked at her blank face and sighed, "Listen," he said, "I'm going to stay the night at Maya's." her eyes widened, but she said nothing, -At least she's listening...- he thought, "If Misato asks, I'm at Kensuke's, ok? I have my cell phone if anything goes wrong, ok?" she just stared at him. "Fine..." he said tiredly, "I just thought you should know where I am..." -Don't ask me why.-  
  
Finally, she nodded... barely, and went to her room. Shinji sighed and walked out the door, determined not to let the encounter spoil the whole day.  
  
**  
  
Driving to her apartment, Maya was filled with trepidation. -What is the matter with me?- she asked herself angrily, -I want to feel close to him... it's not like I asked him to have sex!- she was hit with conflicting images at the thought, some happy... some not.  
  
As they entered her apartment, she took his hand, determined to quell her growing unease. She kissed him, drawing him into her embrace, -I want this... I want to wake up beside him...- her mind spun, a desperate war being waged in her mind. She led him into her bedroom, trying to ignore the sudden realization that this was the first time they were truly alone, where no one could see them... or help if anything bad happened.  
  
They sat down on the edge of her bed. Maya looked into his dark blue eyes, wishing that everything felt like it had when they slept together in her car. -Why? Why won't this feeling go away? I've already decided this was right...- Deep inside she was not sure... the familiar crushing feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. The feel of her room... the feel of him next to her - everything was like a broken reflection of that night, five years ago.  
  
-NO! I won't think about that now!- she pulled him to her, kissing him firmly. She opened her mouth, feeling him do the same, their lips pressed tightly together. -What if it happens again?- a dark voice whispered to her. She frowned, trying to push it away, concentrating instead on the soft taste of his tongue.  
  
Shinji carefully reached up and undid the top button on her shirt, waiting for a sign that he should stop.  
  
-It's starting again...- that same voice whispered in her mind, -just like last time...- shoving it back down inside her, she kissed him harder, running her hands over his  
shoulders and back.  
  
Shinji slowly unbuttoned her shirt all the way, leaving her in her skirt and a simple white bra. He lay a hand on her side, feeling the soft texture of her skin.  
  
-He'll be the same, Maya...- the voice promised, -the same as before...-  
  
He ran his hand carefully up her side, stopping just below her breast.  
  
-See? It's started already...- as his hand slowly inched higher, Maya struggled for breath. She was drowning. She was struggling, panic rising inside her. She gasped and pushed him away, "NO!" She backed up on the bed, shaking, and crossed her arms over herself.   
  
"What's wrong?" Shinji stood up quickly afraid that he had hurt her. He reached out slowly.  
  
Her eyes widened, not really seeing him, "Don't touch me. Just get away." Her voice was low and empty.  
  
He backed away, unsure, "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to-"  
  
She hugged herself tighter.  
  
He remembered her words of a few days prior, "I'm sorry."  
  
She said nothing, just continued to stare.  
  
"Umm... should I... should I leave, Maya?" he asked quietly, 'Say your sorry... then give me some time...' her words, so happy at the time, came back to him.  
  
"Yes..." she said, "I can't make you understand what's wrong... so just leave..."  
  
The anger in her voice shook him. "Please," he said, running his hand thorough his hair,  
"I want to understand."  
  
"How could you understand?" she whispered to herself, "You're just a child..."  
  
Shinji swallowed hard, his world shaken. Silently he stood, hoping he had misheard her. She said nothing more... she just stared at the wall. Shinji's heart broke in the silence, -I won't cry...- he promised himself. Instead, he just said, "Goodnight, Maya. I'll give you some time..." but in his heart, he did not think that time would mend the tear in his soul from her words. He closed the door quietly behind him and walked off into the night in silence.   
  
Her mind hardly registered his departure, too caught up in reliving the past. She stared into space, unmoving... until the morning came.  
  
**  
  
As the sun peeked over the tops of the mountains, Shinji tiredly opened the door to the apartment. He had wandered the streets of Tokyo-3 for the entire night, trying to figure out what he had done wrong. It didn't take too long, but he wandered anyway, hoping to come up with a better answer. -I shouldn't have tried to touch her...- he thought sadly, returning to the same conclusion he reached the split-second she had pushed him away.  
  
He slid the door quietly shut, hoping that Misato wasn't awake. She wasn't, but as he came into the kitchen he saw Asuka sitting at the table, already dressed for school. "Hello, Third Child." she said quietly as he drew up short. He was surprised, as it was the first time in the last few days she had spoken to him. His every attempt to apologize again had been met with stony silence.  
  
"Gutten Morgen, Asuka..." he said, greeting her with a bow and her native language.  
  
After a moment of awkward quiet, he turned and started walking from the room.  
  
"Wait a minute..." her voice stopped him. He obeyed without question, his mind running on autopilot. As he turned, she rose to inspect him. "Hmmmm..." she said critically, "Rough night?"   
  
He just nodded, suddenly hit with everything all again. He blinked, fighting back tears, -I will NOT cry!- he thought again. He had been repeating that to himself all night, like a mantra.  
  
"Date went well, then?" she said with a smirk, -Why am I doing this... I... I was going to apologize.- To her surprise, he stared at her blankly, then shook his head... once to the left, once to the right, before turning and walking from the room.  
  
A stunned moment later, she chased after him, catching him at the door to his room, "Wait..." she laid a hand on his shoulder, "I'm sorry... what happened?" She blinked, realizing that she had just apologized without a second thought.  
  
He looked at her hand, then her face, "I... we... she asked me to leave..." he said, stumbling over his words.  
  
Asuka thought back to the happy look on their faces as they got into the car for their first ride, and was unable to imagine Maya asking him to change a light bulb, let alone leave after asking him to spend the night. "What happened?" she asked.  
  
He looked blankly over her shoulder, "I... touched her, and she screamed and asked me to leave." He looked at the floor, "I never should have touched her..." he whispered.  
  
"Where did you touch her?!?" Asuka said angrily, -If it's where I think, I don't blame her for kicking him out... pervert!- His answer surprised her.  
  
"I touched her breast... barely..." he sighed deeply, "I thought that she wanted me too, or she would have stopped me from taking off her shirt... I'm so stupid..."  
  
-That's IT? He touched her breast... after she LET him take her shirt off??- Since she was quiet, he assumed she was done talking to him so he stepped into his room.  
  
She followed, watching as he moved zombie-like to his bed and flopped down on his back, sighing deeply.  
  
Carefully she sat down on his bed and put a hand on his wrist, "Shinji?" he looked up at her, taking more notice, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry that I teased you about her, and I'm...I am sorry."  
  
A slight smile drifted across his face like a cloud shadow, "Thank you, Asuka... and I'm sorry that I hurt you." He looked back up at the ceiling.   
  
Asuka didn't move her hand, "Shinji, if you want... we could...hang out sometime..." She looked away, "I wouldn't mind."   
  
He looked at her, astonished, "What?"  
  
"I mean, if it would help. I wouldn't mind." She swallowed and darted her eyes away, embarrassed. She stood awkwardly.  
  
He grabbed her wrist gently, "Asuka, wait. Thank you." He smiled "You don't have to if you don't want to... but thank you."  
  
She considered him for a moment, her mind working overtime, and then she nodded, "Ok. I should get to school..." Her voice trailed off.  
  
She turned to leave, but he still held her hand, "Asuka..." he said quietly.  
  
She said nothing for a moment, thinking of how long they had known each other and the fact that this was probably the only REAL human moment they had shared.   
  
"Asuka?" he said once more, even quieter if possible.  
  
"Shinji?" she said, smiling slightly as she echoed him.  
  
"Will you..." he stammered, suddenly unsure, "will you lay down with me? I promise I won't touch you... I just... don't want to be alone right now..."  
  
She stepped back, surprised and then nodded. "Yeah... I could do that..."  
  
She climbed onto the bed with him, trying to find a place where she would not be draped over him. Finally she settled for lying on her side with her head on his shoulder and one arm around his stomach. -This is... nice...- she thought idly. She studied his face, -he looks so lost... I wonder if we... if I... no...- she rejected the thought as soon as it arose, -Maybe in another time... in another place... but this would be wrong...-  
  
"Asuka?" he said quietly, "Do you... do you think she'll take me back?"  
  
She raised her head to look at him as she answered, "I don't know, Shinji... I don't know her very well." She smiled, "If it makes you feel any better, I don't think you did anything wrong... I think if you talk to her things will be ok."  
  
"Yeah..." he whispered, entirely unconvinced. Then he smiled back at her, "Thanks for trying, though..." He closed his eyes.  
  
She frowned, and then put her head back on his shoulder, "Sure..." she said quietly. Together they slept in comfortable silence.  
  
**  
  
Ritsuko looked up as Maya walked into the office, and then did a double take, "Maya, are you alright?" she asked, worried at the younger technician's appearance.  
  
The younger woman looked at her groggily, "I... yes, Sempai... I'm fine." She sat at her desk and pulled her keyboard forward.  
  
Ritsuko stood and walked over to her desk, "Was your date... nice, Maya?" she smiled mischievously, taking in her coworker's tired eyes and disheveled hair. -I wonder if she actually... no... she didn't. But she definitely looks like she was up late...-  
  
Maya looked at her, and she was taken aback by the emptiness in her eyes, "No, Sempai... he touched me, and I asked him to leave..." she looked at her lap, "I'm such a fool to think that he would be different..."  
  
Ritsuko sensed that there was more here than she could see, "He... touched you?" she frowned, "Shinji touched you?" she was confused, -I can't imagine him doing anything before getting her permission... I just can't picture it...- "Do you want to... talk about it, Maya?" she asked, hesitantly, -Damn... I'm no good at this...-  
  
Maya shook her head, facing her computer, "That's all that happened. He was just a little boy after all."  
  
"Just because he tried to touch you? His girlfriend?" Ritsuko was not sure how to feel about this turn of events. She realized that something else may be going on with Maya, but was unsure of what to say to get the other woman to confide in her.  
  
"Maya?" the brown-haired woman turned to face her, "Maya, I... think maybe you should talk to him. I don't think Shinji would do anything to hurt you, he's too sweet."  
  
Maya's eyes flashed, "No! I am tired of being taken advantage of by men!"  
  
Ritsuko did not have a reply, she just stared at the younger woman with her mouth open. Seeing that she would not be able to sway her, she walked back to her desk, "Maya?" she said as she sat down, "At least think about it, ok? He really is a sweet young man..." Maya said nothing.  
  
They spent the rest of the day working in silence.  
  
**  
Several days passed without any major changes. Shinji and Asuka became closer, but Shinji still spent much of his time thinking of how he had gone wrong, and the hurtful things Maya had said to him.  
  
The worst part for him was the sync tests. He sat in the LCL, his eyes tightly closed to block out the vision of her sitting calmly in front of him... behind a wall of glass in more ways than one.   
  
After one such test, Ritsuko approached him cautiously, "Shinji?" she began, taking note of the perpetual frown the boy always seemed to wear, "Can I talk to you a moment?"  
  
"If it's about my low sync scores, Doctor Akagi, I'm sorry..." he said, his voice low, "I've had some things on my mind. I'll do better."  
  
She frowned, -Should I tell him? I... well, no one else seems to be talking to him, what with Misato out of town for the week...- "Shinji," she spoke carefully, looking around before proceeding, "I know about you and Maya..."   
  
He looked at her blankly, then fetched a deep sigh, "There isn't a 'me and Maya'... not anymore..." he pushed the release on his plugsuit, allowing it to depressurize, "is that all you wanted to tell me? That you know about it? I said I'll do better..."  
  
She was surprised at the emptiness in his voice, "Well... I..." she didn't know how to proceed, suddenly feeling that it may now be beyond her ability to help. Finally she said, "Shinji, I know that things may look bad now, but try not to let it get you down... I'm sure you guys can work it out." She was amazed at how hollow it sounded.  
  
"Thank you for your concern, Doctor." He said turning from her and peeling the top half of the suit off, "But I don't think we will. Will you excuse me now? I need to take a shower and go home... I have a test tomorrow."  
  
She nodded, knowing that she could not reach him... or Maya. She turned and left quietly.  
  
**  
  
Two days after that, Shinji and Asuka ran towards headquarters as the sky opened up and rain began to fall. "Shinji?" Asuka panted as they neared the huge complex, "When this sync test is over... do you... want me to help you get back together with Maya?"  
  
Shinji thought about it as they ran, "No." he said, a little too quickly. "No, but thank you."  
  
Frowning, Asuka thought, -I'm going to anyway... as soon as we get done, I'll talk to that silly woman...- as they swiped their access cards through the reader and made for the changing rooms she mentally added, -what kind of idiot would let him go?-  
  
**  
  
- Why do I feel like everything's gone wrong?- Maya rubbed her head as she walked back to her modest office, -ARRRGHH!!!- she hated feeling this way. She couldn't deny that she felt strongly for him, but every time she saw him she was struck by how young he was.  
  
The sync tests were the worst. Hours of silently watching his face as he concentrated on reaching out to the mecha. -And he's slipping... badly...- she was broken out of her thoughts by the sight of Asuka waiting outside her office, still in her plugsuit. The girl looked perturbed.  
  
"Asuka..." she greeted the redhead cautiously, "what can I do for-"  
  
"Are you crazy?" the girl cut her off, "Seriously, is there a complicated name for what's wrong with you? Or does just 'nuts' fit?"  
  
"What are you talking-" Asuka was not going to let her finish, as she cut her off a second time.  
  
"Why did you break up with him? Was he too gentle, or was it because he was too nice?" she stepped closer to the technician, "Do you even KNOW what you had?"  
  
Maya regained her composure, "I really don't think this is any of your business, Asuka. I'm much older than he is, and it wasn't working out anyway."  
  
Asuka blinked, "It wasn't? That's funny... up until a few days ago I would have sworn that Shinji was smiling... I always thought that was a sign of happiness."  
  
Maya bristled, "Just because the sun is shining and one person is happy, doesn't mean it isn't raining somewhere else." She waved Asuka off, "I don't have to justify myself to you, you're barely old enough to start your period, let alone know what I feel."  
  
Asuka shook her head in disbelief, remembering the smile on the older woman's face as she got into the car that first day, "Yes, I am young... but I'm old enough to recognize when someone is being stupid." -She is so full of it!-  
  
"What?" Maya flushed, "What would you know about anything?"  
  
Asuka stared at her for a moment, then turned around and walked away. Over her shoulder she said, "I don't know as much as you perhaps, but I did learn one thing in the last few days... I learned how easy it is to crush someone's emotions." She stopped at the corner and regarded Maya, "You taught me that one... proud?" she left without another word.  
  
Maya stared at where the girl had stood moments before. -She's wrong...- she thought to herself, -what does she know? She's just a child...- "Just a child..." she whispered aloud.  
  
For the next three days, Maya slept very little, her dreams plagued by visions of Shinji's unsmiling face in the test plug. When the angel alarm sounded on the fourth day after her discussion with Asuka, Maya felt like she was dead on her feet. As she hurried in to headquarters in the rain she felt like her heart was sufficiently wrapped in a steel box and hidden back away from the world.  
  
The angel's attack would tear her carefully crafted box to shreds.  
  
Continued...  
  
Author's notes: Thanks again to JobFaust for pre-reading and helping out with the story's direction.  
  
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com.  
  
  



	7. Torn asunder

Disclaimer: see chapter 1. Also, this chapter contains discussion of rape. Do not read if this will offend you.  
  
Part 7   
Torn Asunder  
By Random1377  
  
Maya could not turn away from the horror on the screen.   
  
Though the angel had not even entered the atmosphere, it still managed to attack Asuka... was KILLING Asuka... and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it.  
  
Asuka's voice tore through her, "No! NO! Don't come into ME!!!" she started to shiver uncontrollably, Asuka's words touching deep, dark, hidden memories. "It's raping my mind!!" in HER mind, Maya could hear her own voice crying, -God... he's raping me...- "No..." she whispered, "No, don't let this happen... please..."  
  
She was only dimly aware of Hyouga's voice to her left, "No good! It didn't have enough energy to get through its AT field!"  
  
She felt like she was paralyzed, 'Can't someone stop this? Please... please someone save her' she tried to speak the words, but her voice was caught, trapped in her chest. Unbidden, the events of her senior year at university came flooding through her. The party... the man... the room... the pain... her unanswered pleas for help...  
  
"Please!!!" Shinji's voice echoed through Central Dogma, "please let me go!! Let me help her!!!"  
  
"Commander, can't we do SOMETHING?!?!" Misato's voice was desperate, reflecting her feeling of powerlessness.  
  
In a daze, Maya heard the Commander's flat refusal, followed by his order for Rei to go into Terminal Dogma for the Lance of Longinus. -It will be too late then!!- her mind cried out, -it has to be now... it has to.- her thoughts raced and circled, a panicked tightness building inside of her. She saw Asuka, suffering and crying... she saw herself, hurt and broken... and she saw Shinji reaching for her, smiling, understanding. She began typing on her keyboard, her fingers shaking.  
  
"Unit 01's restraints have been released!!" Aoba called out from his position, "It's moving to catapult four..."  
  
Misato looked at the Commander, wetting her lips, "Shut it down... eject the plug." She said tensely, -What's going on?-  
  
He typed on his keyboard, "I have no control, I've been locked out... I can't stop it!"  
  
  
Ritsuko leaned over Maya's shoulder, "Maya... what are you doing?" she whispered.  
  
The Commander rose to his feet, "That will be enough, Miss Ibuki. Stand down."  
  
She ignored both of them, finishing the sequence on her keyboard and speaking swiftly, surprising all present, "Evangelion Unit 01, you are cleared to launch using route six. Retrieve Unit 02 NOW! Priority one, GO!" she triggered the catapult, sending the huge mecha rocketing to the surface. "Save her, Shinji..." she whispered, "please..."  
  
"Security. Take Miss Ibuki into custody and confine her to her seat." The Commander's voice was cold and hard, "Rei... hurry."  
  
**  
  
The EVA shuddered as it reached the surface, the arrested g-force causing the massive machine to pull against its restraints. In the entry plug, Shinji's face was grim, -Come on, hurry up!!- he willed the doors to open faster.  
  
As soon as his path was clear, he pushed the control yokes forward, concentrating on running. "Hang on, Asuka," he whispered, "I'm coming..."  
  
He moved through the city quickly, approaching Unit 02's position with care, "ASUKA!" he yelled, trying to raise her on the Com system. He stopped short when the red mecha came into view, his jaw dropping open as he watched it shudder and twitch as if in pain. "God in Heaven..." he whispered, surveying the damage that the now discarded positron rifle had inflicted on the city.  
  
Her scream brought him back to the task at hand, "Asuka! Can you hear me?" he looked for a way to get Unit 02 out of the beam of light it was being assailed by.  
  
"Shin...ji...?" she sounded disoriented, "you... came...?"  
  
He stepped around the perimeter of the beam of light carefully, answering distractedly, "It wasn't easy... Maya helped." -Maya...- he thought abruptly, still searching for an opening, -did you disobey orders?- the thought... chilled him, for some reason.  
  
"Shinji... h-hurry... it hurts..." Asuka's voice was getting weaker as the attack took its toll on her mind and body.  
  
-No more time...- he thought, -hope this doesn't hurt too bad...- he took a deep breath and stepped forward into the light, grabbing Unit 02 under its arms and yanking it backwards.  
  
Unfortunately, the light followed them as they moved.  
  
"AAAAAAAA!!!!" Shinji cried out in surprise as he felt something [tap] on his mind. He tried to move, but his limbs felt like they were made of plastic, stiff and useless.  
  
He felt it [push] deeper into his mind, hunting through his memories. His body twitched, out of his control, as all of his life was laid bare.  
  
[pain] he saw his mother, a fleeting image... he saw EVA, raging as it went berserk...  
  
[fear] he saw himself, cowering in a shelter during the fourteen angel's attack... he saw Rei, lying in his arms as the third angel attacked, her blood covering his hands...   
  
[loneliness] he saw his father, walking away... he saw Maya sitting on her bed, telling him to leave...  
  
At the last image he screamed, "NOOOOO!!!!" and around him Unit 01 echoed his cry...  
  
**  
  
In Central Dogma, Hyouga looked up from his terminal, "Something's happening! Unit 01 is spreading its AT field, and... oh my God..."  
  
Misato looked over his shoulder at the screen, "Is that... is that possible??" she whispered.  
  
**  
  
Shinji opened his eyes, surprised that he still could, and looked out. He could only gasp at what he saw.  
  
In front of Unit 01 and Unit 02, an AT field could be seen, containing the beam of light that shown down from the sky. Upon closer inspection, one can see that there were actually two AT fields present... woven together in a tight mesh.  
  
"Shinji...?" Asuka's voice drew his attention away from the spectacle before him.  
  
"Asuka... are you ok?"  
  
"I... think so." Her voice was weak.  
  
A loud whistling sound made him look up. He was just in time to see what looked like a straight bolt of red lighting shooting upwards into the sky, dispersing the cloud cover and arcing into the atmosphere. Abruptly, the beam of light disappeared.  
  
Shinji turned to see Unit 00 standing some ways off, its arms at its sides, gazing after the lance it had just thrown.  
  
He carefully righted Unit 02, activating a com-link, "Can you stand, Asuka?"  
  
The red Evangelion leaned forward a little and then straightened out, "Yeah, I think I can make it..." there was a moment of silence, "thank you Shinji. And thank you, Miss Ibuki... I owe you one."  
  
The voice that answered turned Shinji cold, "Miss Ibuki is not at her post, Second Child, return Evangelion Unit 02 to its cage immediately. The same order goes for you, Third Child." Unit 02 began moving ponderously toward the cage, its pilot not capable of doing anything but obeying.  
  
"Father?" his hand clenched into a fist, "Where is Maya, Father?" he said angrily.  
  
"That is none of your concern, return now." His voice was slightly... amused.  
  
"If you won't let me speak to her," he warned, "I'll come for her, father... I will! Maya, are you ok?" he yelled, hoping she was nearby.  
  
"Detach the external power," Gendou ordered, to his son he said, "Don't threaten me, Third Child, it would be most unwise. As to Miss Ibuki... she is... unavailable."  
  
"I'm not kidding," his voice was barely above a whisper as the Unit went to internal power, "and since you refuse to tell me if she's ok... I'm coming for her... and you." He brought the control yokes forward once more.  
  
"Increase the pressure of the LCL again, put him out." Gendou said smoothly, appearing bored with the conversation.  
  
Aoba shook his head, embarrassed. "I... don't know how... Maya is the only one besides Doctor Akagi trained in that system... Unit 01 is beginning to move towards Central Dogma along route fifty-five."  
  
"Doctor Akagi..." Gendou looked at her expectantly.  
  
She looked at him, and then at Maya, "Do it yourself." She said quietly, backing her friend. When, exactly, Maya had become her friend Ritsuko didn't know... but she felt liberated at the idea, and the idea of standing up to the man she hated... and yet loved so deeply.  
  
Gendou never showed any trace of emotion, "I see. Very well." He spoke louder, taking full command of the situation, "Rei... Unit 01 has been re-designated as an aggressor and is moving toward this location. Intercept and detain it. It has four and a half minutes of power remaining... you must not let it reach the command room."  
  
If the girl was surprised, she hid it very well, thought Maya thought she heard a note of hesitation as she spoke, "Understood."  
  
"Unit 00 has detached its cable and is moving to intercept along route fourteen... it should meet Unit 01 in the main shaft in two minutes." Hyouga said, his lips numb. -This can't be happening...- he thought.  
  
"She'd better be safe, father..." Shinji said shakily.  
  
"Or what, Third Child?" Gendou sounded amused, still feeling that control was his, "You'll kill me?"  
  
Shinji's voice pitched low, "No, I'll hurt you... I would never kill, I'm not like you..."  
  
Gendou's smile faded slightly, "Rei's progress?"  
  
"She's almost there..." Aoba said quietly, "thirty-five seconds."  
  
As the two mecha drew closer to each other, Ritsuko looked at Maya. She sat in her chair calmly, despite the five armed guards that had surrounded her. Speaking low, Ritsuko said, "Why did you do it, Maya?"  
  
The younger tech met her eyes, "Because... no one should have to go through that..." she blinked hard, fighting rising tears, "and because no one came to save me..."  
  
The blonde's eyes widened as she realized what she was being told. Her heart went out, "Oh... oh, Maya, I'm so sorry..." she wanted to comfort the girl, but the security guards would not let her near.  
  
Maya smiled slightly, but it quickly disappeared, "Let me speak to him..." she said quietly. No one spoke for a moment, caught up in the tension.  
  
On the screen, Unit 01 could be seen descending swiftly through the main shaft, leaping the last hundred yards to land with a crash.  
  
Bringing the machine to its feet, Shinji looked for the fastest route to Central Dogma. It was his idle glance upward that saved him. Throwing Unit 01 to the side, he barely managed to avoid Unit 00's feet as Rei touched the blue behemoth down where he had been standing only seconds before.  
  
"Ikari," she addressed him calmly, "surrender your Unit... I do not wish to harm you."  
  
His eyes narrowed and he looked at his reserve power, "Don't get in my way, Ayanami." He knew that Unit 01 was more than a match for the single-eyed prototype... but he did not have the time to engage her. "I don't want to hurt you, but I won't let her come to any harm..."  
  
In her entry plug, Rei's eyes widened in surprise, "She would not be harmed, Ika-"  
  
Shinji didn't give her the chance to finish. -Sorry, Rei...- he thought, bringing Unit 01's leg around in a swift, brutal arc, and cutting the blue mecha's feet out from under it. Quick as a flash, he dropped onto the prone machine and pinned its arms at its sides.  
  
His mind raced, -If I do this, I can still reach Maya before I lose power.- His voice was taut, "Can you hear me father? You'd better cut her nerve links, or I don't know what will happen to her!" Unit 01's shoulder compartment opened, its progressive knife flipping down for him to grab.  
  
Maya's voice burst over the intercom, "Shinji, NO!"  
  
Rei watched in helpless wonder as the purple robot drew its blade and brought it down swiftly towards Unit 00's single optic sensor. She closed her eyes, waiting for the inevitable pain. It never came. Cautiously, she opened her eyes, finding the humming knife hovering inches from her Unit's face.  
  
"Maya? Are you ok?" Shinji's voice was trembling as adrenaline rushed through his veins.  
  
"Yes Shinji... but this has to stop." She licked her lips and went on, "I'm glad that you saved Asuka, but if you keep going they won't let you pilot anymore."  
  
"I don't care!" he yelled, the blade inching slightly closer to Unit 00, "I don't care about piloting, I care about you!"  
  
"Shinji... I know you hate it, but if you don't pilot..." she paused, "if you don't pilot, who will protect me?" she hated herself for saying it, and for the small gasp he uttered, "If you stop now, Commander Ikari says he will not punish you or Doctor Akagi..."  
  
He heard her hesitation, "But... you'll be fired... won't you?" his throat felt dry.  
  
Her voice was sad, "Yes... but I won't go to jail."  
  
Shinji drove the blade into the floor next to Unit 00's head with a frustrated cry. Slowly he brought the mecha to its feet as the timer on his power supply reached twenty seconds, "I understand..." he whispered, waiting in defeated silence as the timer counted down to zero and Unit 01 slumped forward lifelessly.  
  
Rei brought Unit 00 to its feet, considering Unit 01 as her own power ran down. She thought of his words, and the way that his affection for Miss Ibuki had ruthlessly been used against him. She stared hard at Unit 01, until her own Unit went silent. She had many questions to ask him.  
  
**  
  
Shinji stood still, handcuffs locked firmly in place around his wrists. If looks could kill, his father would have been dead (of course, he would have died long ago).  
  
"So..." Gendou spoke quietly, "we find ourselves here once again."  
  
Shinji glared silently in response, hoping that Maya was alright.  
  
"As I've said, the purpose of this meeting is simple. I wish to ascertain what your intentions are at this time. Will you comply with the statement given you?" He spoke as if it was a job interview and he was considering an employee.  
  
Shinji spoke quietly, his voice crackling with rage, "Where is Maya? She had better not be hurt, father, or-"  
  
"I have kept my word, Third Child," Gendou spoke sharply, "Moreover, she has been permitted to retain her position as Doctor Akagi's protégé, against my better judgment."  
  
Shinji's eyes went wide with confusion, "Why...?"  
  
Gendou's eyebrow quirked up, "Are you complaining? My reasons are my own. I'm sure she will be more than happy to tell you, since you are obviously 'involved' with her. Now, I want your word that you will live up to your end of this arrangement."  
  
Shinji looked at the floor, reciting quietly the words he had been given, "I will pilot Unit 01 so long as it is required, and I will not make any further hostile movement towards you or any other NERV personnel... unless so ordered by you." The last part left a bad taste in his mouth, but he had no choice.  
  
Gendou smiled thinly, "You are dismissed."  
  
**  
  
As soon as he was un-cuffed, Shinji ran to the command center to find Maya. Seeing that she was not there, he ran to her office, where he found her staring at her desk. He stood panting in the doorway.  
  
Maya looked up from her desk as she noticed him, a thousand conflicting emotions flashing across her face. Finally it settled on polite indifference, "Asuka is ok, I take it?" she said flatly.  
  
"Asuka's safe thanks to you." he said, finally catching he breath. Maya nodded but said nothing. He licked his lips as he decided to speak his mind, "Maya... can't we go back to the way things were two weeks ago? Can't you let me be close to you?"  
  
Her mask of indifference shattered like glass under his direct question, letting her uncertainty show through, "Shinji... I just... I don't know if I can be close to anyone right now. Maybe... maybe you should forget about me, I'm not good for you." she looked way from him, putting her hand over her mouth.  
  
"Maya..." he said, stepping closer to her, "I... understand now..."  
  
She looked at him sharply, a trace of fear in her eyes, -He can't know... how could he?- the idea that Ritsuko may have told him at some point after the battle never occurred to her... nor did the fact that he had experienced a violation as well. "I... don't know what you mean, Shinji..." she said with forced calm.  
  
Shinji knelt at her feet and reached out, taking her hand. She flinched slightly, but let him. "Maya... I would never hurt you..." he said quietly, placing her hand over his heart, "I care for you too much. And I'm sorry if I moved too fast... it won't happen again, but please let me have another chance."  
  
She looked down at him, then away, "I... don't know..."  
  
"Maya..." he said softly, "I'm not him."   
  
Her breath caught, "W-what?"  
  
"I'm not him, Maya... I'm not the man who hurt you." He gently rested his head in her lap, "I could never hurt you... ever... I would never make you do something you didn't want to do. Please believe in me..."  
  
She looked at his head, his hair still coated with dried up LCL. All the feelings that flowed through her during the fight crashed over her again and she let out a strangled sob.  
  
Shinji looked up at her, "Please let me make it right..." he whispered. He rose slowly, never taking his eyes off of hers, and kissed her softly.  
  
Her senses collapsed at the touch of his lips, and she threw her arms around his neck, returning his kiss as she wept.  
  
"It's ok now..." he said, stroking her hair carefully, "it's all ok..."  
  
He held her as she cried, kissing her and whispering words of comfort. Eventually she told him everything. How she had been at a party with her boyfriend in college, and how he had forced himself on her, ignoring her protests. Shinji's throat tightened at her recounting, and before she was done he was also in tears.   
  
When they finally managed to get themselves together Maya held Shinji and whispered, "Will you stay the night with me? I promise I won't ask you to leave again... will you, please?"  
  
Shinji tensed, remembering the agony of the last week, but he nodded. "Just to sleep..." he said, kissing her neck, "I want to prove to you that I'm not like... him."  
  
"Thank you..." she said, holding him tighter. "Shinji... I... want to do those things too," she pulled back and looked at him, "with you... only with you. Will you wait for me? I want to feel... everything..." she blushed brightly, "but it may take me a while to... to get past this..."  
  
"I will wait as long as you need, Maya." He said honestly, punctuating the statement with a kiss.  
  
After Shinji had showered and changed, they went back to Maya's apartment and talked quietly for some time. Then they went into her bedroom and lay down fully clothed, side-by-side. They said nothing, satisfied just to enjoy the mutual company. Finally they drifted off to sleep, their hands clasped firmly together.  
  
In the middle of the night, Maya awoke with a start, shivering as her dream faded. A gentle hand reached up and stroked her back, "It's ok, Maya... just a bad dream..." she looked back to find Shinji smiling at her with sleepy eyes, "lie back down..." She did as he asked, letting him fold her in his arms and hold her until the shivers went away. She drifted off to sleep with her head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.  
  
She had no more nightmares that night.  
  
End of book 1  
  
Author's notes: This marks the end of book 1 of my Maya/Shinji story. Book 2 will focus more on the other's reactions to their relationship through the final episodes of the show and End of Evangelion, though I will still spend some time exploring their romance. I expect Chapter one of book 2 out sometime in the next two weeks (gotta spend SOME time on my other, neglected fics ;) ) Oh, and to the reviewer that said he/she was not going to read anymore - man did YOU pick the wrong time to drop a story... ;)  
  
Once again thanks to JobFaust for pre-reading and helping with the flow. You rule...  
  
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com.  
  



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